2. The Missing Four Foot Lizard
Music by Brent Lewis
Written by Perry Crawford
I went to the Zoo, as I quite often do, to see what I could see.
I saw a four foot lizard, that stared right back at me.
She had feminine eyes, and ladylike thighs,
and cute little knobby knees.
They looked so much like my ex-girlfriends legs,
I wanted to take her home with me.
It's story was sad, what I heard made me mad!
It had lost it's habitat!
It lost it all to trailer park sprawl and an all night
I hadn't a sack, so she jumped on my back,
and I covered her with my coat.
Likely as not, if I ever got caught,
that would be all she wrote.
I thought it was great, when I walked through the gate,
but the lizard was making a trail.
The zookeeper followed a line in the dirt
she made with her long pointed tail.
I jumped on a bus, that was waiting for us,
and the zookeeper came too late.
The bus sped away, to the keeper's dismay,
and I was left to my fate.
I went down the isle, with a satisfied smile,
to take a seat at the back.
I wasn't there long, when something went wrong,
and I was under attack!
Her claws pierced me deep, and she started to creep,
and I screamed when her teeth reached my neck.
The driver turned 'round, at the horrible sound,
and the bus got involved in a wreck!
The window got broke, and the bus filled with smoke,
and the lizard had long disappeared.
Apple pie eyes, and the ladylike thighs, on a man eater,
loathed and feared!
My thoughts aren't of death, as I draw my last breath,
as many are want to do,
But they turn to a lizard, four feet long,
that might be coming for you!